My Journey

I was listening to the music from the ending scene of "The King's Speech" because I have to write an essay about it (I'm serious). Looking through the comments, this one caught my eye (and my mind, too):

"You are absolutely right immutabledude. What a piece of music to combine with the speech. The overcoming of a man's fears mixed with Beethoven. Just wonderful." -syedaamirmsd

It reminded me of how my fears were overcome with "I Still Call Australia Home" in a Boeing 737 toilet.

I found this email to my friend, dated 5th of March, 2007, detailing my plane flights to and from Singapore. Here's some of it- you can see how much I've changed.

I was busting to go pee. I really was. You see, when you're EXCITED, you really needa go! So, when I went to my seat, I asked the stewardess where the toilet was. "Yes, just here," she said, gesturing to the toilet door. I walked over and tried to push the door open. I pressed everywhere except for the middle. So I asked the stewardess how to open the door. She said: "Yes, these doors are really hard to open. Push in the middle." So, I pushed in the middle.

The smell hit me like a pang. And the size. It was awful. I went inside and locked the door. I lifted the lid and sat on the toilet. I did you-know-what, and then I got up. Instead of being smart enough to close the lid, I just pressed the flush button. I freaked out immensly. I was half screaming, half gasping, washing my hands at the same time. I was leaning towards the door. Leaning away from the evil Thing that was making the horrible, dreaded noise.

I didn't know how to turn the water off. I pressed every button I could see (other than the flush button). So, I unlocked and opened the door only to find the stewardess standing about 10cm away from the door (she might have heard me making "oh! oh!" noises). "That was FREAKY!" I said. And do you know what the stewardess said? Well, do you? She said, "Well, next time you know not to!" She giggled. Then I said, "How do you turn the water off?" Leaning forward, she said, "You just..." and then I noticed the water was no longer running and replied, "It's off now."

I sat down on my seat next to the Thing for about 5 minutes. I must have been shaking like hell. I was so scared, I needed to pee again. Yes, again. I tried to put it off and watch the seats filling up. But I kept on thinking the Thing was flushing! In the end I got really scared. I remembered what the stewardess had said: "I'm going to return to my cabin now. If you need us, just step there," gesturing to the section where the stewardesses are. I tentatively stepped round to the back and said, "I feel... queasy." I didn't exactly mean that, but it just came out. The two stewardesses there offered me a plastic bag. I said, "No, it's not that... I just feel..."

"Scared?" the stewardesses asked.

"Yes," I replied.

The two stewardesses told me to sit down on one of the crew's chairs and they started talking to me. They gave me a glass of water and they noticed the book I had in my hand (The Da Vinci Code). They both said they've read it, but didn't understand it! I told them that the thing that was freaking me out was the toilet flush. That's when one of the stewardesses (who had long, blonde hair tied up into a ponytail) said, "That's alright! I hate it too. Just tell us when you need to go and we'll flush it for you!" The other stewardess (with short red hair) tactfully kept quiet. I don't think she particularly wanted to flush the Thing for me. They also said I should close the lid. I had never closed a toilet lid in my whole entire life!

(the flight on the way home)

I settled down to eat my meal of spaghetti and meatballs. (I ate only the meatballs- I don't like spaghetti.) I ate the salad and of course, the passionfruit yoghurt dessert. After that, I found I needed to pee.

No escape, of course. Five hours without doing a pee? Uh... I don't think so.

So I knew that whether I liked it or not, I would have to use that Thing! It was occupied, so I stood up to make a 1-person queue. A lady got out of the cubicle and held the door open for me. I must have looked scared, because she asked me, "Are you alright?"

Me, being truthful, replied, "Yes... but... a little scared..."

I went inside and took great care not to look down the Thing. It freaks me out, to see just a hole and no water. Of course I locked the door as well.

I made plans to make three deep breaths before flushing the Thing. But, after I got up from the Thing I closed the lid, but I could only get past one deep breath when I said to myself, "I'm not gonna be able to take this." So, I washed my hands and unlocked the door. I held it open and pressed the flush button with my free hand. I got out before it flushed- got lucky!

Hehe. End of story.

In case you're interested, my friend's reply included these words:

Hey, guess what, Mum says we'll be going on holiday soon

and we'll have to fly there! So, should we have to "go"........

The toilet of doom awaits!!!!!!

You know, aeroplane toilets aren't so bad, I mean without them.! Can you imagine a plane full of busting people on a long flight!

Wow. I am printing out that email and taking it on the plane with me to Europe.

46 days!!!