Phobia Awakens

I have mild composer's block. So this section isn't quite finished yet.

And I apologise for the terrible quality voice over and my retarded voice :P Ah well this was a test run.

Songs that are significant to me

For some reason I decided to think about songs that represent me. Maybe it's because I'm studying songs in English. Anyway, this is probably going to be a long post with a lot of videos. Here goes:

1. I Still Call Australia Home and The Aeroplane Song

Surprise surprise, these two are first.

If that actually did come as a surprise to you, let me tell you this: I conquered my phobia of loud noises to the tune of The Aeroplane Song (featured at the end of my video in my post The Journey: Live Another Day with additions) followed by I Still Call Australia Home. The Journey, a 15-page Word document I wrote detailing how I conquered my phobia, mentions this.

And so, after locating the flush button I walked into the cubicle and began to sing the aeroplane song that I made up when I was about 10- the one with only two lines.

“Aeroplane, flying high
Aeroplane, in the sky”

Even though that song now enters my head at a much higher pitch than it used to, I hit that first note, a high E flat, pretty nicely. That song sounded the best I’d ever heard it in that tiny cubicle since everything resonated in there quite well.

It calmed me down until I actually had to flush the toilet. Ever since my first encounter with an aeroplane toilet I have not been able to stay in the cubicle while flushing it. I wanted this time to be different, but I was petrified.

So I compromised. I washed my hands and unlocked the door and started singing I Still Call Australia Home again and only when my hand was on the handle for me to make a quick escape, I flushed it.

Although the sudden noise made me jump I found that one emotion that I would normally expect to be there was not. Fear. I was not afraid of the aeroplane toilet.

2. Eleanor Rigby, Help!, Viva la Vida, Final Countdown and Fireflies

(Videos removed due to blog post being too slow to load. I'll provide links instead.)
Eleanor Rigby- The Beatles
Help!- The Beatles
Viva la Vida- Coldplay (note: for some reason, this link sometimes takes me to the login page of Youtube).
The Final Countdown- Europe
Fireflies- Owl City

These are all grouped together because I believe that all of these songs encouraged me to listen to different genres of music, not just classical.

School was the main reason I began paying attention to these songs (with the exception of maybe Viva la Vida). We looked at Eleanor Rigby and Help! in Music Literature and we're playing Fireflies and The Final Countdown in band.

Also this line from Eleanor Rigby caught my attention:

Waits at the window, wearing a mask that she keeps in a jar by the door,
Who is it for?

3. Soundtrack from The Legend of Spyro

I think the soundtrack (well some of the tracks anyway) got me interested in choral music and gave me a different perspective on orchestral music. In addition, This Broken Soul (The Legend of Spyro: The Eternal Night which will be referred to hereafter as TEN) and Guide You Home (The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon which will be referred to hereafter as DotD) also encouraged me to listen to other genres of music.

Some of the other more significant tracks include (names are taken from the composers' website):

1. Cinematic (The Legend of Spyro: A New Beginning which will be referred to hereafter as ANB, DotD)
2. Cynder Boss Convexity (ANB)
3. The credits music from ANB (which is also used in one level in DotD)
4. Dragon Temple (ANB) to some extent
5. Black Powers (TEN)
6. Dragon Temple (TEN)
7. Grove Action (TEN)
8. Well of Souls (TEN)
9. Burned Lands (DotD)
10. Dragon City Golem Encounters (DotD)
11. Small Valley Action (DotD)
12. Small Valley (DotD)

All of these tracks can be heard at http://kneubuhlmann.com/music.html.

4. Saint-Saëns' Sonata for Clarinet and Piano

I can't play the middle bit.

Anyway... sometimes, when I'm upset, I think "let the river flow" and this song comes into my head.

5. Bohemian Rhapsody

Again, this one helped me to listen to a wider variety of music. My first experience with it was playing it on my clarinet at Health Camp.

Sometimes, when I'm really upset, the line "any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me" comes into my head.

This one probably relates more to the imaginary me (whose title and first name are in this blog's URL) though. She was protesting against something violently. Thank goodness true magicals can use resurrection abilities depending on the situation, or she would be even more beside herself than she is now.

6. The Pi Song



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I'll have to round it off there- this post is getting long and is making my computer slow, plus I have to go and play clarinet now. There will be more later though!

The Journey: Live Another Day with additions

This is a video that combines all of what I've written of The Journey: Live Another Day.

In order, the excerpts that appear are:

1. The Awakening
2. Walking down the 737 aisle
3. Carolyn and Lucy
4. The Aeroplane Song

Words to "Walking down the 737 aisle"

I've finally written some lyrics!

Harsh it is, the path you travel lonely,
Fear awaits, but forward you must journey.
On you march, your face it shows so little,
Hiding fast behind the mask you've crafted.
Sadness is that no-one understands
The turmoil within.
But you must learn to accept the troubles you are given.
There are things you must accept before you hope to change them.

Walking down the 737 aisle revisited

I put in a poco accel. (short for poco accelerando- get faster little by little) starting at about 30 seconds in. I think this might help me put in a climax later. What do you think?

Another reason why The Journey: Live Another Day won't get finished on time

I suck at 4-part vocal style writing. Majorly.

I'm okay at writing perfect and plagal cadences (a cadence is just two chords pretty much). The difficulty comes in writing choral music (and other cadences which I haven't learnt about).

I'm going to have to learn a truckload more before I can finish this song. Oh well, there's nothing stopping me from taking the finished parts on the plane with me in 78 days. The finished parts are well over 2 minutes long, combined. So far what I've done can be broken up into four parts:

1. Introduction- 54 bars long, or 1 min 38 seconds
2. Walking down the 737 aisle- 20 bars long, or 54 seconds
3. Carolyn and Lucy- 8 bars long, or 32 seconds (it's slower than the other two sections)
4. The Aeroplane Song- 3 bars long, or 11 seconds

That adds up to a total of 3 minutes and 15 seconds, if I added correctly.

Now for a little more info on what each of the sections are about- except for the introduction, because I don't really know what it's about either.

I've already done a post about "Walking down the 737 aisle." Obviously, it's about me walking down the aisle on the Boeing 737 on the way home.

The "Carolyn and Lucy" part is about a couple of flight attendants living in my imaginary world (both loosely based off real flight attendants). When I was nervous about my flight home, I imagined Carolyn and Lucy calming me down and I felt better. This section has a soprano solo (Carolyn) and an alto solo (Lucy), as does the next section, "The Aeroplane Song."

I've imagined that section of the song to go something like:

(Kayleuetski):
You sang to me to calm me down,
And your words were...
(Carolyn and Lucy):
Aeroplane, flying high,
Aeroplane, in the sky

I've also imagined another part of the "story." This part is a little weird since it involves a talking (or to be exact, singing) aeroplane toilet. I guess that bit will just have to be sung by a human, probably a male voice.

(Choir)
... and it said to you...
(Boeing 737 toilet)
I can take away your fear,
But you will have to flush me first...

Yes, I know, I imagine the weirdest of things.

All the same, that's what imagination's for.

My response to "You, My Friend, Have Just Crossed The Line."

I had to go the doctor's today over my ears feeling weird. While waiting, I wrote some random stuff which I guess could be a response to Beth's blog post "You, My Friend, Have Just Crossed The Line." Here it is. Be aware that I can be rather erratic when I write in my diary because I write stuff as it happens or as the thoughts come to me, not in one chunk at the end of the day. Anything in square brackets are comments which I've added while typing this up.

Why do I shudder at the word "injection?" Is it because I dislike pain or am I truly afraid?

I believe I got my fear of needles because it felt like everyone had decided that I was afraid. Now I am denying it because it feels like I'm being attention-seeking or dramatic by having too many fears and phobias.

In short- I think society is probably to blame, but I put the blame on myself. I put a lot of blame on myself. My "circle of control" is probably not that big but I often imagine it as being bigger.

In any case, I'm not even sure if I need to have a blood test/injection/whatever, so there is even less point to panicking at this moment.

Kuyarue. [This is Mimaiyan- my made up language- for "fear not."]

Damn it, why do I have to have all of the phobias and whatnot? If it's not my fault, then whose is it? If it's nobody's fault, then what, exactly, has given me countless fears?

Why are people so cruel to the fearful? We [when I say this I mean sufferers of anxiety disorders, including myself] have enough on our plates to deal with, so why do people add extra unwanted rubbish?

It is rarely the strong who Society subjects to such treatment. Instead it is the ones who need support who are beaten down.

Society has its mercy, however, which it shows to the physically ill. What about the mentally ill? According to normal people, our struggles are funny. [I'm generalising, of course.] OCD is made fun of and people with other anxiety disorders are "scaredy-cats." I for one am not feline in appearance. I doubt any of us have that many cat-like features.

I think Society shows its merciful side to the physically ill because it "wasn't their choice," as if the phobic choose to be phobic.

Society is a cruel place indeed. Especially to those who needs its kindness.

***

On second thoughts, perhaps Society doesn't even show mercy to the physically ill or disabled. The Hungry Jacks ad states that "you need two hands to understand." What about the one-handed or no-handed ones who walk among us? [Or what if you have two hands but one doesn't work?]

By the way- I did not end up getting an injection. I had to have the earwax in my ears syringed out but that's kind of different.

Beth, if you are reading this right now, I would also like to add that the name of the nurse who syringed out the earwax in my ears was Sarah.

Another excerpt

Another excerpt from The Journey: Live Another Day- this time from the beginning of the piece. This section isn't completed yet. I'm not entirely sure what, exactly, was this section meant to be about in the first place, though. Whatever, it's pretty. (In my opinion.) Do be aware that the music in this excerpt is pretty quiet, like the last one.

Instruments and Singers (in score order):

Flute (solo)
Harp
Soprano
Alto
Tenor
Bass
Violin I
Violin II
Viola
Cello
Double Bass

I think that perhaps I should change the string parts. At the moment they're almost entirely the same as the singers' parts.

Walking down the 737 aisle

Here is an excerpt from The Journey: Live Another Day. It's me walking down the aisle to the aeroplane toilet on the Boeing 737.

My cousin took that photo of the flush button some time back. (Funny how when I went on a plane four years ago I didn't notice that the toilet lid was closed in the picture. Now I know to close the lid- the hard way.)

The reason it's saved as a video is because there doesn't seem to be a way to upload just sound files on Blogspot, but then again I'm not really looking too hard. If I can find a way to suggest stuff to the people who make Blogspot then I'm going to suggest it as well as suggesting a "countdown" widget.

Making the video was unbelievably messy. For starters, Sibelius can either export files as midi or wav. Wav. files are supported by Windows Movie Maker (I think) but they take up loads of memory. I tried using a midi to mp3 converter on the Internet but the sound quality got worse, so I searched around and found that iTunes can convert wav files to mp3 files. It took me ages to figure out how.

Bleh. Anyway, enjoy.

Random thoughts on my old phobia

Society appears to have taught me that fear is something to be scorned. And so I have scorned fear, including that within myself. Not helpful.

My other random thought is that The Journey: Live Another Day probably won't be finished by Music Tour at the rate I'm working on it. I just don't have any kind of creative spark to write music at the moment and I procrastinate too much. Bleh.

Composing

(Warning: music nerd blog entry up ahead!)

I'm currently composing a piece about my old phobia and how I conquered it (well, most of it, anyway). The title isn't set. It's gone between Phobia, Phobia- Journey Another Day and now I'm considering changing it to The Journey: Live Another Day. I'd also written a few stanzas of a poem to help with musical ideas.

I scrapped the choral-centred intro that I had before and chucked in a harp and a flute to make it more instrumental-centred. The piece now starts with a flute solo, accompanied by the harp. Later on the string section (violin 1, violin 2, viola, cello, double bass) and the choir join in, while the flute drops out. Sopranos and violin 1s have the melody, as they usually do.

The melody is perhaps better suited towards the clarinet's range, but I wanted a flute to make for a more solemn tone. The intro is about how having a phobia has affected me and my desperation to conquer it. The first stanza of my aforementioned poem is:

Child, awaken-
you must go on
and to do so
your slumber must cease.

I have to eat now, but I'll get back to composing afterwards. I'm hoping to be able to listen to the completed piece on my flights to Europe, especially if my phobia tries to return to haunt me.