My response to "You, My Friend, Have Just Crossed The Line."

I had to go the doctor's today over my ears feeling weird. While waiting, I wrote some random stuff which I guess could be a response to Beth's blog post "You, My Friend, Have Just Crossed The Line." Here it is. Be aware that I can be rather erratic when I write in my diary because I write stuff as it happens or as the thoughts come to me, not in one chunk at the end of the day. Anything in square brackets are comments which I've added while typing this up.

Why do I shudder at the word "injection?" Is it because I dislike pain or am I truly afraid?

I believe I got my fear of needles because it felt like everyone had decided that I was afraid. Now I am denying it because it feels like I'm being attention-seeking or dramatic by having too many fears and phobias.

In short- I think society is probably to blame, but I put the blame on myself. I put a lot of blame on myself. My "circle of control" is probably not that big but I often imagine it as being bigger.

In any case, I'm not even sure if I need to have a blood test/injection/whatever, so there is even less point to panicking at this moment.

Kuyarue. [This is Mimaiyan- my made up language- for "fear not."]

Damn it, why do I have to have all of the phobias and whatnot? If it's not my fault, then whose is it? If it's nobody's fault, then what, exactly, has given me countless fears?

Why are people so cruel to the fearful? We [when I say this I mean sufferers of anxiety disorders, including myself] have enough on our plates to deal with, so why do people add extra unwanted rubbish?

It is rarely the strong who Society subjects to such treatment. Instead it is the ones who need support who are beaten down.

Society has its mercy, however, which it shows to the physically ill. What about the mentally ill? According to normal people, our struggles are funny. [I'm generalising, of course.] OCD is made fun of and people with other anxiety disorders are "scaredy-cats." I for one am not feline in appearance. I doubt any of us have that many cat-like features.

I think Society shows its merciful side to the physically ill because it "wasn't their choice," as if the phobic choose to be phobic.

Society is a cruel place indeed. Especially to those who needs its kindness.

***

On second thoughts, perhaps Society doesn't even show mercy to the physically ill or disabled. The Hungry Jacks ad states that "you need two hands to understand." What about the one-handed or no-handed ones who walk among us? [Or what if you have two hands but one doesn't work?]

By the way- I did not end up getting an injection. I had to have the earwax in my ears syringed out but that's kind of different.

Beth, if you are reading this right now, I would also like to add that the name of the nurse who syringed out the earwax in my ears was Sarah.